Why You Feel Weird About Your Realtor (And Why You’re Not Crazy)

There’s a feeling most people selling their home are desperate to avoid.

It’s not “we priced it wrong.

It’s not “this is taking longer than we thought.

It’s not even “we need to do more work.”

It’s the colder one:

“What the hell is going on… and does my house even matter?”

You feel it before you can explain it. The same way you know a breakup is coming before anyone says the words.

The energy shifts. The messages get shorter. The clarity softens.

The hard conversation gets pushed to tomorrow…then to Monday…then to “we’ll see how it goes.”

You're feeling disconnected. You're hearing little to nothing, and when you feel that, what your nervous system hears from your realtor's silence is:

“I’m not fully in this anymore.”

So you find yourself typing:

“Hey! I know you’re busy, but just checking in…”

Which is polite language for:

“Are we okay?”“Is this still being taken seriously?”“Does my home still matter?”

And here’s the uncomfortable truth:

This happens with agents who have one listing just as much as agents who have twelve.

It’s not because they’re busy.

It’s because something went stale — and no one said so, yet.

Silence Is What Breaks Trust

When someone calls us to list their home because their listing agreement with another agent is expiring, they almost never say:

“They were dishonest.”

“They were incompetent.”

Instead, they say:

“I like them, but…”

“We don’t really know what’s going on.”

OR “We probably should have gone with y’all.”

Trust doesn’t usually blow up.

It quietly erodes…to crickets.

Why It Happens

Real estate is one of the largest financial transactions most people will ever make. Bigger than any single stock trade. More personal than a doctor’s visit. More emotionally loaded than almost anything else involving money.

And your agent is standing right in the middle of that with you. And, unfortunately, turns out they have feelings too.

They don’t want to disappoint you.

They don’t want to be wrong.

They don’t want to lose the deal.

They don’t want to have the awkward conversation.

And that’s where the problem begins — it stops being about you and starts being about them. You can feel that shift, even if you can’t name it yet. That’s the weird feeling.

None of those emotions make them bad people. But they do quietly change how they show up. They stop centering your interests. Sometimes they even start protecting themselves.

And either way, it creates a failure of leadership.

Instead of guiding you toward what will actually move the needle, they stall.

They soften.

They collapse.

You know it’s happening when you start hearing things like:

“I was just thinking maybe…”

“We could try this if you want…”

“I don’t know… what feels right to you?”

“It might help, but it’s totally up to you…”

It sounds kind. It sounds polite. It even sounds collaborative.

But what it actually communicates is:

“I’m not sure anymore.”

And your body feels that instantly.

It doesn’t relax. It tightens.

Because in real estate, there is one guiding principle that matters more than all the others:

Act in the client’s best interest.

When things get uncomfortable — when the price needs to change, when the strategy isn’t working, when the truth might sting — many agents confuse being nice with acting in your best interest. Or worse, they go quiet.

But your best interest isn’t comfort. It isn’t avoiding disappointment. It isn’t politeness.

Your best interest is clarity.

And clarity requires someone willing to name what’s actually happening, even when it’s awkward. Even when it risks a reaction. Even when it would be easier to soften the edges and hope it works out.

That’s not easy.

But it’s the job.

And it’s the difference between a transaction that drifts…and one that keeps moving forward on purpose.

What You Actually Need

We always ask some version of this at the first meeting:

“What would a ten-out-of-ten experience look like for you?”

OR

“What would make this feel like a home run?”

Nine times out of ten, people say:

“Communication.”

Sometimes they say something that means communication. But when we ask what that looks like, what they describe is:

“Keep me calm.”

“Tell me what’s really happening.”

“Don’t let me spiral.”

“Be straight with me.”

Not templates.Not automated updates.

Assurance.

Someone who stays present when things get hard.

Someone who has ideas for a new path or pivot when the market shifts.

I Didn’t Always Get This Right

Early in my career, I thought being nice and being helpful was enough.

It isn’t.

What I found is that my clients don’t need me to agree with them. They need me to stand with them — and stand up for them, especially when the market pushes back.

The best compliment I’ve ever received from a client wasn’t about price or speed.

It was:

“She had the perfect balance of personal and professional. I always felt safe, and I always knew where we stood.”

That’s what I look for in our agents now. And that’s what I keep growing in myself.

What We're Doing About It

We speak plainly because I coach real advocacy to the agents at my brokerage.

But we don’t just teach this inside our brokerage.

We believe a better industry is better for everyone.

Buyers. Sellers. Agents. Even the ones who don’t work with us.

So we talk about this stuff out loud. We name it. We practice it.

Because people deserve to feel clear and settled when they’re making big decisions.

And because your home — and your nervous system — matter.

What's This Mean for You?

It means this:

When you work with Cool Murphy Real Estate, you don’t get silence when things get uncomfortable. You don’t get vague language when something needs to change. You don’t get politeness where guidance and leaership is required.

You get someone who will tell you what’s happening, why it’s happening, and what we’re doing about it — even when the answer isn’t pretty.

Especially when it isn’t pretty.

Because that’s what keeps your nervous system steady. That’s what keeps you from lying awake, wondering if your home is being forgotten. That’s what lets you make clear decisions instead of anxious ones.

Selling a home isn’t just a transaction. It’s letting go of something that once held your life.

Buying one isn’t just logistics. It’s stepping into a future you haven’t lived yet.

You deserve to be guided through that with clarity, honesty, and care.

Not guesses. Not soft edges. Not crickets.

That’s what we build here.

And it’s why, when people finally find us, they so often say:

“I should have done this sooner.”

If You're An Agent - You're Invited

On January 20, we’re hosting a small, in-person training at TitleStream on how to say the hard thing without losing the relationship.

It’s limited to 20 seats so it stays honest, not performative.

If you’re an agent reading this and nodding a little too hard — we see you.

We’re all imperfect. We’re all human. But we get better on purpose.

Because this work is personal.

And you matter.

Sound familiar? Come join us! You can do so by emailing me at cool@coolmurphy.com and saying, ''I'm in!''

---

Celebrated for her next-level creative approach to real estate, Elisa Cool Murphy is the author of Prepped to Sell: What Works Even When the Market Doesn't. She is an award-winning, top-performing real estate broker in New Orleans and the founder and owner of Cool Murphy Real Estate.

You can learn more about her here.

Contact Her -

email: cool@coolmurphy.com

Facebook: @homeinneworleans

IG: @coolmurphynola

YouTube: @coolmurphynola

phone: 504-321-3194